CARNESVILLE, IN — Vexler Auto Group has temporarily suspended all after-hours test drives following a 94-minute unpermitted synth-punk performance that fused the dealership’s entire 2024 fleet into a single, synchronized audio-visual rig. The band, Circuit Hymns, arrived at 5:42 p.m. and immediately bypassed the lot’s public chargers, splicing their analog synthesizers directly into the engine blocks of fourteen silver Omni-Cruiser sedans.
By 6:15 p.m., the band had synced all fourteen vehicles to a single digital audio workstation. The sedans’ factory infotainment screens flashed in 128-BPM intervals, while the headlights swept across the asphalt in time with the kick drum. “We calibrated the lane-assist sensors to pulse on the offbeat,” said guitarist Marco Delaney, adjusting a patch cable duct-taped to a steering column. The audience consisted of twelve showroom staff, two confused teenagers, and a retired actuary who had just come in to return a floor mat.
During the third song, bassist Sasha Lentz placed a live, 60-pound pygmy goat named “Torque” into the driver’s seat of the center sedan. The goat was not part of the original setlist but was introduced after the band’s backup generator failed and they needed a secondary power source for the fog machine. Torque chewed through the sedan’s auxiliary power cord, causing the fog machine to deploy a continuous, unbroken cloud of synthetic haze that triggered the lot’s sprinkler system at 7:08 p.m.
Vexler floor manager Marcus Duvall spent the remainder of the set standing on the hood of a display SUV, shouting volume caps through a megaphone. Following the performance, Duvall drafted a 14-page addendum to the dealership’s standard lease agreement, introducing strict “no-bleat” clauses and mandating that all future test drives include a signed waiver acknowledging the possibility of sudden synthetic fog.
Customers waiting in the queue reported mixed reactions. “I was excited to test the sedan’s acceleration, but the driver’s seat was full of goat droppings and the radio only played a 40-second loop of a distorted cowbell,” said local resident Marisol Ortiz, who was subsequently offered a $50 voucher for a free car wash. Another prospective buyer, Gary Hennessy, attempted to negotiate the price of a 2024 Omni-Cruiser over the sound of a screaming analog synthesizer, only to be informed by the sales staff that the vehicle’s soundproofing had been permanently compromised by the band’s subwoofers.
Circuit Hymns is currently in negotiations with Vexler management to make the performance a permanent fixture of the lot. The band’s latest proposal requires the dealership to install a dedicated 400-amp power line to the far end of the gravel lot, rename the “Vehicle Service Center” to “The Synthesizer Calibration Bay,” and replace the complimentary coffee in the waiting room with a single, unattended bowl of raw oats for the goat. Management is reportedly considering the offer, provided the band agrees to stop using the sedans’ lane-assist sensors to flash Morse code complaints to the Better Business Bureau.