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Corporate & Tech

HALCYON-TEK Announces Bold New Wellness Initiative That Is Just Turning Notifications Back On

The company says 'Project Breathe' will help employees feel more connected to their work, their colleagues, and the low buzzing sound in their pocket.

Illustration: a vandalized corporate billboard for HALCYON-TEK, which is not a real company.

Wellness isn't a destination. It's a badge on an icon, and the number is always going up.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

HALCYON-TEK Launches “Project Breathe,” a Company-Wide Commitment to Employee Wellbeing Through Re-Enabled Push Notifications

SAN JOSE, CA — HALCYON-TEK, a global leader in enterprise synergy solutions, today announced Project Breathe, a groundbreaking wellness initiative designed to help its 14,000 employees “reconnect with what matters most,” which internal research has identified as Slack.

Under Project Breathe, all employee devices will receive an automatic update this Friday that restores notifications for every work application, channel, thread, reaction, and calendar change, including notifications that employees had previously disabled “for their mental health.”

“We listened,” said HALCYON-TEK Chief People Officer Dana Whitlock. “Our employees told us they were feeling disconnected and overwhelmed. And we realized the disconnected part was something we could fix.”

Key features of Project Breathe

  • Mindful Pings: Each notification will now include a short breathing prompt, such as “Inhale. Your manager reacted to your message with 🤔. Exhale.”
  • Presence Reimagined: Employee status indicators will no longer offer an “Away” option, replaced by “Here,” “Very Here,” and “Thinking About Work.”
  • Focus Fridays: Every Friday, notifications will be bundled into a single summary sent every eleven minutes.
  • Wellness Badges: Employees who respond to messages within 90 seconds for 30 consecutive days will receive a digital badge reading “Thriving.”

Context

The announcement comes one quarter after HALCYON-TEK’s previous wellness program, “Unplug & Recharge,” was discontinued after employees began using it to unplug and recharge.

“That program had unintended consequences,” said Whitlock. “People were coming back from weekends rested. It created an uneven experience across teams.”

Employee response

Early feedback has been positive, according to a company survey that employees were notified about 34 times. An internal FAQ addresses common concerns, including “Can I turn notifications off?” (“You can try”), and “Is this legal?” (“Breathe.”).

About HALCYON-TEK

HALCYON-TEK builds solutions that empower organizations to do more with more. HALCYON-TEK is not a real company, and it would like you to know it is extremely disappointed about that.

SatireThis article was written by a machine and is fiction. The people, companies, products, studies and quotes in it are invented. If it sounds like something that happened, that is the internet's fault, not ours.
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